East, George: French Cricket

As Friday 13th looms, so the East's unlucky streak comes to a climax. With them finally on their uppers, an advance offer from a publisher is a welcome relief until they discover they have already spent what is due to come from George's sales, and the bills keep mounting.

French Cricket finds the author and his long-suffering wife facing imminent disaster as they struggle to survive at the Mill of the Flea. Something must be done to bring home the bacon, so our hero launches himself into another succession of hare-brained and inevitably doomed money-making schemes

French Cricket is the fifth book in what has become a cult series, and follows our accident-prone hero through a long summer in Lower Normandy as he encounters an increasingly bizarre collection of characters, situations and events.

Distractions from his money-making survival schemes to create ready-pickled eggs and breed boa-constrictors in the Big Pond include regular meetings of the infamous Jolly Boys Club. Members of this select debating society include the allegedly immortal Old Pierrot, who claims to have been on first name terms with William the Conqueror, JayPay (village superchef and entry for the moustache-growing championships of Lower Normandy), and the hypochondriacal Scabby Michel, who has had volumes of medical journals written about his ever-growing collection of exotic illnesses.

Elsewhere, there's the invasion of an equally unusual collection of would-be British settlers, whose ranks feature a rollerblading barrister in search of the real world! and a retired 'hand artist' who claims to have been a stunt fingers double for Warren Beatty.

Meanwhile, back at the Mill of the Flea, there are the constant confrontations with a tribe of homicidal goldfish and the escape committee in the chicken run, and failed attempts to find a dancing partner for a ballet-loving goose and cure a duck of its fear of water.

George East is not everyone's idea of an author. After leaving school at 16 with no qualifications, he set out on a varied career path which included (failed) Rock god, Impressionist (house) painter, plumber, welder, demolition engineer, pickled onion manufacturer, private detective, male model, lorry driver, brewer's drayman, PR and Marketing guru, magazine editor, freelance journalist, hotel manager, snooker hall owner, night club bouncer, DJ and radio and television presenter and pub landlord. After winning the title of Britain's Worst Publican for two years running, George and his wife Donella decided to see what life across the English Channel had to offer. They bought a ruined mill on ten acres of meadows, woods, streams and mud in Normandy, and set about surviving from self-sufficiency. As they struggled to survive, George wrote a book warning other Brits about the perils of buying property in and moving to live in France. To the surprise of the Easts and the astonishment of their bank managers on both sides of the Channel, Home & Dry in France (A year in Purgatory) was a best-seller. More books about the East's adventures and travels in rural France followed. Then George turned his hand to crime fiction and wrote Death Duty, the first book in a series about a seedy detective in charge of Portsmouth ferry port. He based the book on his experiences in travelling to and from France, and of his time behind bars when his pub was the local for a squad of CID officers. Now, George divides his time between France and England, writing travel and crime books, and, as he says, winkling out the best and cheapest bars and restaurants in all France.